The Bears are back in town, raiding our Wal-Mart, Target, our bars (mainly T.J. Donley’s) and La Siesta for the next three weeks.
Aside from all the close encounters of the Bear kind that locals love to share, Bears camp is mainly used for one thing: Getting the team ready for the season.
Over the course of the camp, I’ll be updating this blog, giving some insider notes that either weren’t relevant enough to make the paper or were casualties of newspaper space. Or I’ll gossip about the goings on of the media, which is always fun, including today’s encounter featuring the Daily Herald’s Bob LeGere and a Bears fan. That incident began with an arguement about reporters taking a knee (so fans can have an unobstructed view of the field). It ended with a “why don’t you come down here and make me?,” followed by a Bears official hustling over to quell the tempers.
Maybe it was the drive, maybe it was the 100 degree heat. Whatever it was, it was entertaining. That’s for sure.
In other news, all the media expected Thomas Jones to be at practice today, participating with the rest of the team.
Well, he was at practice all right, only he didn’t participate in drills. He just stood there. Considering some thought he would hold out, this was rather interesting. Was he holding out, yet still showing up for practice? Could he do that?
Then I began to wonder. Maybe I could take his lead. I’d show up for work, only not do anything while there. A semi-strike. I was intrigued and almost impressed at the sheer audacity.
Alas, Jones wasn’t thumbing his nose at practice; he strained his hamstring. That’s why he wasn’t involved in drills. No hold out. Dang it. For the sake of the team, let’s hope he’s OK. We’ll need him.
The post-practice interview was good too. More on that later.
Mark Prior, after being scratched from a start for about the 46th time in his 3 1/2-year career, said that he thinks that the curse of the billy goat “is starting to look real.”
He’s not alone. From the womb, Cubs fans are spoon-fed legends of the Curse of the Billy Goat. It’s almost as if fans are proud of it. There’s even a well-known restaurant, the Billy Goat, that essentially dedicates itself to the curse. I do not understand this. It is ridiculous.
We all know the curse, so I will not repeat it. It doesn’t deserve to be repeated.
It doesn’t exist. It’s not real. It’s not there. It’s nonsense. Shut up.
If you are one of the people that enjoy believing the curse, read that last paragraph 50 times out loud.
If could hawk a loogey on the goat, I would. If I could milk that goat, make cheese from it, then stomp on that cheese with my foot, light the smashed remains on fire and send it to Hades, I would. Why would I do this? Because there is nothing the goat could do to me. It has no “doody-doody-do” power like Wizzo from The Bozo Show. It’s a frigging goat.
No, Mark, the curse is not real.
Here are some things that are real, Mark.
First and foremost, Mark, the Cubs are run by idiots that make season-crippling mistakes. We were really going to win the division with Matt Murton and Jacque Jones as our starting corner outfielders, Sean Marshall and Glendon Rusch as our fourth and fifth starters, absolutely no power off the bench, nobody that could hit lefties, no depth in the rotation, bullpen, outfield or infield? Really? We were? Wow.
Secondly, considering that Kerry Wood underwent surgery on the shoulder of his throwing arm last season (because he was told he needed the surgery) and he now believes the whole thing was unnecessary, you should be very concerned about the medical advice the team’s apparently incompetent training staff is giving you. Wood also has a tear in his rotator cuff after being assured last season that his problems weren’t with his rotator cuff. I doubt he tore it in the meantime because usually, one needs to pitch in order to tear a rotator cuff. Kerry hasn’t been pitching much lately. No, most probably, the Cubs just misdiagnosed him and recommended an unnecessary surgery, effectively flushing almost two years down the crapper. Well done, Cubs.
Third, you are seriously beginning to look like a wimp. From the story you told the press this week, you hurt your side while getting off your couch and aggrivated it on a sneeze. Are you really using the sneeze excuse? While playing for the Cubs? Seriously? Where’s the Drano? I feel like chugging some.
*Chugs*
Much better.
No, Mark, the curse isn’t real. It isn’t real at all. But, apparently, neither is your hunger to succeed on an individual level. Or your desire to make this team better.
It really seems that, like Dusty, not only do you not know what to do, you really don’t even care. I hope I’m wrong. God, I hope I’m wrong.
I never thought I’d say this about you, Mark, but I’m beginning to wonder if it’s time for you to leave.
Recently, during a Little League tournament (actually, I believe the Brian Stone is officially called an exhibition, but we all know it’s a tournament), one team defeated another 41-0.
Word has it that 41 is only when people stopped keeping score; alledgedly, it got even worse. Gene wrote a column criticizing the coaches of the winning team and received some nasty feedback because of it.
When I originally read the column, I was worried about the fact that he wrote it, particularly because he did not attend said game and therefore didn’t see how it happened. But after talking with Souc, our assistant sports editor, as well as some other people, I changed my stance.
Here’s why: there are plenty of ways to stop this, and they’re pretty easy to do.
Once the score gets to about 10-0, coaches should simply instruct players to begin bunting, even at pitches that appear to be balls.
If that doesn’t work and the score gets to 15-0 or somehow even 20-0, drastic measures are necessary.
Coaches should tell their players to offer bunts (but miss intentionally) at every pitch that appears to be out of the strike zone and to take pitches that appear to be in the strike zone. That way, every pitch is a strike. This should immediately put a halt to the scoring.
If coaches are hesitant to tell their players to strike out on purpose (although I can’t understand why in a 20-0 game), then the answer to stop the scoring is still simple: tell every runner to intentionally miss home plate as they score. If the runner misses home plate, all the opposing team has to do is appeal to the umpire, who can rule the runner out.
Kids who are in between the ages of 9 and 12 should never, ever, have to be humiliated on a baseball field, a place that is supposed to bring joy to kids of that age. I’m not against Little League elimination tournaments as a whole (though I know people who are), but 41-0 is appalling.
There are many, many other ways to stop scoring in baseball. If the coach of a team that wins a game 41-0 attempts to say they did everything they could to prevent such a score from happening, that person is either an ignorant coach or a liar.
And I wouldn’t want either coaching my children.
